Friday, December 29, 2006

Family Boundaries

I am a person who is very, very family oriented and so is my husband, Danny. Of course there are our own/immediate family (spouse and kids), extended family (parents, siblings and in-laws), close and distant relatives. And the order of priorities are as presented.

At this point of time, as parents, my husband and I will have to ensure the safety and security of our kids.. that they are loved, nurtured, protected (note not overprotected) and are taught biblical values and to love God... Our kids are still young and most of the time are unable to make sound judgement, as parents we need to guide them and protect them from making wrong decisions.. till probably when they are older (by the way my son, Shane is five and my daughter, Kate is barely 3 months).

Our parents are precious but once we (their children) start our family then they will have to let loose. Not that we are being rebellious but there are reasons for this to take place. When we as parents want to discipline our children and when grandparents are present, there could be awkwardness. Grandparents tend (not all of them) to pamper their grandchildren and so do uncles and aunties who like to pamper their nephews and nieces. It is not easy to have so many families living under one roof. Disagreements are bound to happen, sooner or later. It is best that families have their own boundaries. Their own space. We need our own space and who doesn't.

"For this reason a mean will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh."
Genesis 2:24


I treasure my extended families very much and spend a lot of time with them. They love my kids dearly. And sometimes treat my kids as though their own. No doubt this is good but overdoing it is a no-no. Kids still need to know who is in charged - MOM & DAD; and not granny or grandpa, or uncle or auntie so and so... A lot of things done by our other families are all well-meaning but we as parents must be cautious not to let them go over board. Offering too many junk food/drink, buying too many toys, and instant gratifications too often, are not very healthy. Especially Asian culture, we either not do anything at all or tend to overdo things... hmmm...

" "Everything is permissible" -- but not everything is beneficial...
"Everything is permissible" -- but not everything is constructive. "
1 Corinthians 10:23


Our children must be taught of the above truth... It is hard to confront/carefront when things like these happen... we will be marked as arrogant, strict parents, unappreciative... oh only God knows. When we have to do it, we must do it. Ask God for grace and wisdom to deal with such situation. God will meet us where we are.

Therefore, it is vital that the family unit stay together and not be 'intruded' by anyone - well-meaning or not... unless it is for the purpose of reconciliation and seeking help (eg. counselling). Always ask God to bind us in love and to protect us against intrusion...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Divine Favour

I was talking about being a full-time mother (a stay-home-mom) and stuff like that in my previous post, right..?

See, I have always wanted to return to work in church because I know that's another passion that I have apart from nurturing my children... There was an open door recently... a part-time position which requires me to work half day. What's my value? God and family... What are my priorities? God-Family-Work/Church.

Well, I just gave birth to a baby girl two months ago and I have a 5-year old son. At the same time I was breastfeeding my little girl. I actually thought I could handle the job offered to me until I realized my girl is not ready. I reverted back to the church management and counter offered a proposal stating that I could not meet their requirements and if they don't accept my proposal I will have to decline the job. After I gave them the proposal, I was prepared they would not accept my proposal but I was still hopeful.

Praise be to God... they came back to me and agree to what I have proposed! Now, I will need to go to the office and pick up the tasks that I need to do and come home... I really thank God for this favour. Only God knows what it means to me.

My say, put your priorities right and you will see everything fall into place!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matt. 6:33

Thursday, December 7, 2006

The Best Decision Ever

I was working in the church as an admin staff since I was 19 years old. After we got married we thought of giving ourselves a year or so before we start a family. But the fact that we love to have children of our own caused us to plan having a baby earlier. So in January 2001, I found out that I was pregnant and the baby would be due in September. We were overjoyed! God knows our hearts' desire.

Later, we needed to decide on who would be taking care of the baby... And thanks for the from my pastor's wife, Pastor Wai Lin and a dear sister-in-Christ Auntie Ann, they encouraged me to stay home and take care of my baby full-time and I can say till today, that was one of the best decisions I have made in my life (apart from marrying Danny, hahaha). I also sense the peace of God as I made this commitment even though working in the church is God's call upon my life. I believe being a mother is one of the highest calling a woman can ever have.

God never intends to bless us with kids and just let them grow. Family is God instituted, just like marriage, therefore it is sacred. I am not saying that you should not let other caregiver to nurture your own kids, I am saying if the family can survive on one person's pay check, by all means take care and nurture your kids on your own. It is vital to impart good family values to your children, if you let others do it, you might have to undo a lot of things that the caregivers did...
Your kids are not going to be babies and toddlers all their lives. Their vital years are only till about 6 years of age. And believe me, time flies. Once you have missed it is gone. It is hard work, I know, but worth every bit of it!

I do see the difference in children who are taken care by their mothers and those by other caregivers. I am not saying that if you choose to return to work it is wrong. There are good caregivers out there. It is just that what is more precious than watching your own flesh and blood grow...

I also don't believe in being too busy for God and aspect God to take care of the family. Everything starts in the family. Manners, discipline, respect, how your children relate to people etc... Only when you are able to manage your family well then will you be able to shine for God. What testimony can you show others even when you do so much outside the family, yet the family is crying out for more of your time and 'existence'.

What I am trying to address is, there is a time for everything... do pray and ask God to reveal His perfect time for our lives, and not to miss anything in His time. If now family is His time for you, don't ignore it. He wants you to build a strong and healthy family with Him and not just leave it to Him. Not that He is unable, but it is a journey and a process that He wants to go along with you...

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven..."
Eccl. 3:1

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Our Story...

Danny and I first met about 11 years ago in a Christian youth meeting. We started off as acquaintances. He was the reserved but funny guy and I was a little more outspoken than him and stood out in the crowd. After a year or so, from acquiantances we became lovers ;-)... When we started off as lovers we already had marriage in our minds, though we did not get married immediately, no not so young (he was 20 and I was a year younger). We talked about marriage and what we expected from the relationship (i.e. trust, remain pure till we are married, our priorities, etc..). I am glad we made things clear at the very beginning. About 4 years later, we got married. It was on June 3rd, 2000. One of the happiest days in my life. Of course I have many, many happy days! We are married for 6 years now and into our 7th year with 2 adorable kids, Shane (5) and Kate (2 months).

Throughout our journey together, all I can say is God is faithful. He feels our life with abundant love for each other and our 2 lovely children. Indeed His grace is truly sufficient. Till this day, we still think the Golden Rule of putting God first, family second, church/career third has put our perspectives right.

So if you carry on reading this blog, you will expect me to touch a lot on family... and of course, God, because family is God instituted.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matt. 6:21